4th January 2023

From doing to being: resolutions done right

With 2023 suddenly upon us, it's usually the time when we start making big new year’s resolutions: wake up at 4:00AM every day, quit coffee, become a bodybuilder at the gym, read ten books during your lunch break... These lists (while well-intentioned) can often be unrealistic and overwhelming, leading to disappointment and burnout. In fact, market researchers Ispos reckon that around 80% of new year’s resolutions will be ditched by February.  

Instead of making a new year’s resolution list full of things ‘to do,’ why not make a list of things ‘to be?’ We all know that life has a funny way of getting in the way of your plans and intentions, but if we spend this year focusing on our thoughts, this will, in turn, allow us to take more positive actions. In fact, that’s the whole idea behind cognitive behavioural therapy - your thoughts influence your feelings, which in turn influence your behaviour and actions. CBT can be a helpful tool for making and sticking to new year's resolutions, as it helps us identify and change negative thought patterns that may be holding us back. 

Anyway, here’s a few examples of what you could put on your new year’s ‘to be’ list – feel free to copy our ideas, and maybe even add a few of your own! 

1. Be kinder to yourself 

You may not have heard of the term ‘negative self-talk,’ but chances are, you probably do it. How often have you made a mistake and thought ‘I can never do anything right,’, or forgotten something and thought ‘I always forget things!’ Well, like we just talked about, we know that these negative thoughts affect our feelings and actions – if you’re always telling yourself you're always forgetting things, you’re gonna start feeling low, and you may get so distracted by feeling low that you really do start always forgetting things – that's the cycle!  

The good news, though, is that with CBT, we can break this cycle by changing our thoughts to be kinder and more positive.

If you’re struggling with shifting your negative self-talk, try to talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one. You’d (hopefully) never yell at your partner or child and tell them they don’t do anything right, so why would you say it to yourself in your head?  

It's easy to be hard on ourselves, especially when we're trying to make changes or improve in some way. But self-compassion is an important part of personal growth, and will make everything easier for you during the year ahead. Make a resolution to be kinder to yourself in 2023, whether that means cutting yourself some slack when things fall to the side, or speaking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. 

2. Be more present 

These days, so many things are fighting for our attention – online streaming, gaming, social media, the news cycle, the 2022 Shortland Street finale.. None of these things are particularly bad in themselves, but the convenience of our phones means that we can access any of these things immediately as soon as a hint of boredom sets in. In fact, a few Aotearoa studies showed that we can spend anywhere up to six hours a day on our phones! 

The problem with the constant stream of content on our phones is that it is constant – there's always gonna be a new ‘must-see’ TV show, a new game, a new post, a new piece of breaking news, a new season of Shorty.

The internet will still be here tomorrow, so why not turn your phone off for a few hours and enjoy the sunshine?

Pull your phone out now, and have a look at your screen time – surely there’s a twenty minutes in there where you could be present instead. 

Make a resolution to be more present in the coming year - whether that looks like setting aside time for mindfulness practices, turning off your phone more often, or just watching the birds outside your window. 

3. Be more grateful 

We know, we know – sometimes things just suck. Like we’ve talked about before, there’s always that element of random chance in our universe that things will go wrong, and sometimes, everything seems to go wrong at once. It’s hard to be grateful when your car breaks down, your bills are due, you’re having health issues, or you have to wait a whole month until Shortland Street comes back on the air.  

However, we’ve found that there are usually always things to be grateful for – sometimes you just have to look a little harder for them. Maybe the sun is out today. Maybe you’re spending some time with whānau. Maybe you’ve just gotten home after spending some time with whānau. Seek out those little things to be grateful for. The more you work on noticing them now, the easier it will become to notice them in the future. 

If you’re finding it difficult to find things to be grateful for, spend a few minutes at the end of each day making a list of things you were grateful for.

This way, you can look back over your list when you’re feeling low, and by working out your gratitude muscle, it will become easier to cultivate gratitude in the future. 

4. Be more compassionate 

Just like things can suck for you sometimes, things can also suck for people around you sometimes, too.

Being compassionate means understanding and empathizing with the difficulties of others, and it's something that we can all cultivate through mindfulness.

It’s also a powerful tool to help you realise that other people’s emotions aren’t always about you – maybe that customer was rude because they are dealing with a health issue, or maybe that person cut you off in traffic because their child is getting carsick and they need to find somewhere to pull over. 

If you're looking for a way to build more compassion and empathy, volunteering is a great way to do it, with the added bonus of giving back to your city. Keep an eye out for opportunities to help out around your area – your local community house is a good place to start! 

We hope we’ve given you some good ideas for your 2023 ‘to be’ list! Let us know what you come up with, and if you are needing some extra support, check out our Wellbeing Space for a bunch of free resources!