18th March 2024

A ‘right’ way of parenting? Busting myths about motherhood

Welcoming a new pēpē (baby) in the whānau (family) is a very exciting time! When you begin to tell your loved ones, however, often people’s first reaction is to offer ‘advice.’ While some of it may be helpful, and they may mean well, it can feel overwhelming. So, how can we sort through the advice and bust some of the myths about parenting? 

Myths are particularly unhelpful because they ignore valuable information. They also help to trap us in unhelpful styles of thinking (like ‘mind reading’), making us doubt ourselves and feel even more overwhelmed. See if you can identify any unhelpful ‘myths’ below you may have heard that are affecting how you think, feel and act. What is the evidence that these are realistic and accurate? 

MYTH: If you have negative thoughts about your baby or being a Mum, then you’re not cut out to be a parent. 

FACT: It is fair to say that EVERY parent has negative thoughts about their children and being a parent at some stage! Having a baby is a massive adjustment, and the lack of sleep can contribute to negative feelings.  

MYTH: Good Mums do everything themselves. 

FACT: Remember the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” – as a new parent, getting support from family, friends and others is key. Whether it’s a family member dropping off food, or a friend looking after baby while you take a shower, there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. 

MYTH: You can make your baby sleep through the night with the right schedule and sleep training. 

FACT: Babies have different sleep cycles to adults, and it is natural for them to wake in the night for food, nappy changes, comfort and connection. They’ve just been in the womb for 9 months, so it’s understandable that they’ll take a while to adjust to the day / night cycle. Sleep training can be beneficial, but it’s important to remember you can’t ‘make’ babies do anything! 

MYTH: There’s no such thing as a ‘difficult’ baby.  

FACT: Babies are born with different temperaments, and they can be affected by so many factors, from colic to growing pains, leading to them sometimes being very difficult to look after. Your baby is adjusting to so many new feelings, sensations, and challenges, and those ‘perfect’ babies you see on social media are likely anything but! 

MYTH: There’s a right way of parenting. 

FACT: Good parents come in many styles and there is no “right” way. There’s no manual for the “right” way to raise a baby, because if there were, you’d probably already have a copy! There are plenty of different styles and techniques people use, but figuring out what works best for you and your whānau is important. Child mental health experts agree that children don’t need a “perfect” parent; they just need a “good enough” parent.  

If you’re looking for some support with adjusting to being a new parent, we have two free online courses, designed to help you move from surviving to thriving.

Check out what’s on offer and sign up for free today: https://www.justathought.co.nz/perinatalwellbeing